…I think this would be an excellent start. Although there’s no way this is an exhaustive list by any means.
1. There would be no 4 a.m. x-rays followed by 6 a.m. weight checks.
2. Every child would be required to have all vaccinations unless an actual medical doctor has given a reason that a particular vaccination would be unsafe. (Quoting Jenny McCarthy as a medical expert would be an offense punishable by jail time. She was a playboy bunny. And that’s way different than a medical doctor.)
(Does anybody else think “playboy bunny” should be capitalized? That just seems wrong.)
3. People who don’t like children would not go into pediatric medicine. (This seems like a no-brainer.)
4. All hands and stethoscopes would always be warm.
5. Nobody would ever forget to “pump in” or “pump out.” (That’s hospital lingo for using the hand sanitizer upon entering and exiting the room. Another seemingly no-brainer.)
6. IVs would always be gotten on the first try.
7. No medicine would taste like hate giftwrapped in vomit.
8. All pediatric doctors would ditch the ties or only wear bow ties like the old-school days.
9. All PICU/CVICU rooms would have a single bed for a parent to room in with their child.
10. Patient- and family-centered rounds would be the norm–not the exception.
11. At 4 p.m. the cafeteria people would bring by chips and salsa and one margarita…just to take the edge off. I could foresee a potential problem with a children’s hospital procuring a liquor license. However, we know hospitals have access to the good stuff, so in the alternative, I think we could get by with a Snickers bar and a Xanax from the vending machines.
Have you sat bedside with a critically-ill child? What would you add to the list? I invite you to leave a comment below. And I hope you guys have a great weekend.