We made it through the first week of school and I have to count that as a huge WIN! After a lazy past few weeks at home, getting the boys out the door was a major adjustment that included lots of yelling “FOCUS!” to all three boys. Three boys, three different schools and three morning drop-offs. It’s been hectic this past week and a little crazy, but the boys really like their teachers. I still keep asking myself the question: How is it possible that I have a child in junior school?
Then I made Colman cry on the way to school this morning. I didn’t mean to make him cry. I felt terrible. I mean worst mother ever bad. He didn’t cry for long, though, because we all started yelling, “No tears!” including the baby and Colman started laughing hysterically. I guess he thought I was getting onto him because–Well, I was getting onto him about eating. I think we may have lost all of our hard-won gains of one pound, one ounce. Colman has not been hungry at all lately and it’s hugely frustrating. After almost no dinner and yet another breakfast that went untouched, I let him have it this morning. Actually, that’s not entirely true. I think he nibbled (think one baby mouse nibble) off the corner of his muffin, drank a cup of whole milk and swallowed a fistful of meds.
How can he function at school on so little?
Yesterday he did a little better because he ate a few bites of waffle with butter and syrup and a cupcake. Yes, he ate a cupcake. I wouldn’t have known except Liam came to me and tattled on him. “Mom, Colman just ate a cupcake!”
“Who made you the police?” I inquired.
“Mom, he ate a cupcake for breakfast. He’s not supposed to do that!”
“No, he’s not. But do I look like I care? My God, Liam, I just want the kid to eat!”
Liam looked at me funny. “But–”
So I used it as a teaching experience. “I know it’s not fair. It’s called a double standard. Women deal with it all the time. You could also call me a hypocrite.” I pointed to myself. “That’s somebody who does one thing and says another. We’re not supposed to eat cupcakes for breakfast. Would you like a cupcake for breakfast?”
“No,” he huffed, rolling his eyes at me.
You know, justifying it in my mom brain, how are cupcakes all that different than donuts? Plus, these particular cupcakes had a couple of packages of Carnation Instant Breakfast baked into them. I thought it might make them dry, but adding a couple tablespoons of coconut oil really does the trick.
I have no idea what Colman is eating for lunch at school. He likes to eat the food in the cafeteria, but I don’t know if he’s really eating it or not. I did see him grab a bag of Pirate Booty this morning and stuff it in his backpack, so fingers crossed that he at least eats some puffed air sometime today.
I met Colman’s new teacher, Charlie, at his afterschool program yesterday and he seems like a really nice guy. The kids hadn’t gone out for recess when I picked up Colman. I told Charlie about Colman’s heart and how he sometimes gets tired really fast when it’s really hot outside, so he said he’d keep an eye on him and make alternate arrangements for Colman to go inside if he’s too hot.
As I gathered everybody up to go home, Liam said to me, “Mom, you sound like Marlin from Finding Nemo when he tells the teacher about Nemo’s little fin.”
And that made me laugh because I’ve thought that very thing about myself numerous times, “God, I sound like a girl Marlin.” Finding Nemo was Liam’s favorite movie when he was about a year and a half to two years old. I bet we watched that movie a gazillion times at least. Kevin and I actually called Colman “Nemo” when he was in utero after we were told our baby boy had an asymmetrical heart, but it was no big deal, not to worry.
Famous last words.
We’re adding another doctor today, an endocrinologist, as we continue on our mission of ruling out anything and everything under the sun that could be wrong with Colman and why he’s not growing. I’ll make sure and update as soon as we have some news. Until then, we’ll just keep swimming.