Crazy Heart Mama

I know what you’re thinking. You guys are thinking that the title of this post indicates my going on some kind of rant about the Spurs losing the NBA Finals last night, but it doesn’t. And, now, y’all are impressed that I’m part psychic.

You can continue being impressed. 🙂

There was little fallout from the basketball game last night, though, and absolutely no tears from Colman. I’m not at liberty to talk about Kevin. (He’s taking it pretty hard.) The worst part of the night for me was when there were two minutes left in the game and Colman was standing directly in front of the television, (You make a better door than a window, kid) clutching his lucky Spurs towel to his chest. In the end, the Spurs almost won, but as my dad says, “Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.”

Actually, the title of this post references the shirt Liam has been wearing at camp for the past FOUR — count ’em — FOUR days. It’s an Under Armour shirt with the slogan “Go Hard or Go Home.” I’m not sure what to think about that, other than THAT’S SO FREAKING GROSS! At what point do I intervene, or do I just mind my own business and douse him in bleach when he comes home?

I texted my friend, Kristan, whose son is in the same cabin as Liam, “If Liam is wearing the same shirt for the fourth day in a row in pics tonight, I am going to birth a baby elephant.”

She replied, “LOL! Sounds about right…”

I think she lied on her “LOL” because I know her and I KNOW that triggered her gag reflex. She’s just trying to make me feel better like we’ve ALL been there, but her kid is changing his shirt every day.

There are other questions plaguing my mind as well, such as:

1) If he hasn’t changed his shirt, has he at least changed his underwear? Please, if there is a God, give me some sort of a sign. (Lori, @ CLJ, feel free to comment on this post.)

2) What does he smell like?

3) What will he smell like on July 3rd when Kevin and I have to go pick him up?

4) Is this some kind of Black Eagle stink, stank, stunk initiation?

5) Is he being rolled into some kind of smelly gang?

6) Is he having some sort of problem and this is Liam’s version of a smoke signal to me from Hunt, Texas?

7) What if it is a smoke signal, but I’m too dense to pick up on it, and he puts a piece of paper over the “Go Hard” part and scrawls “Wanna” in its place?

8) If number seven happens, what’s the record drive time to Hunt from San Antonio? Because I bet I can beat it.

9) Are we going to have to drive all the way from Hunt back to San Antonio with the windows rolled down in the middle of July? Gag-inducing smell versus Texas heat.

10) Is he just spraying himself down with Axe and thinking that’s okay? Because he took, like, four cans of Axe to camp.

This is Liam’s fifth year at camp and his second year to stay a month. I remember when I picked him up from camp the first year and one of the moms said, “Oh, my God! Michael didn’t change his underwear the entire twelve days.”

I was so happy that wasn’t my kid. And now it is.

The only saving grace is I know he’s had two water activity days. When I do the math, it’s like he’s only been in that shirt for three days.

Ugh.

Comments and suggestions are welcome.